My book of drama sketches entitled, “The Rhyming Drama Book”, contains a play based on some of the crazy reasons people give for refusing to acknowledge the existence of God and the sovereignty of Jesus. It’s a light-hearted sketch designed to help people think about the spiritual choices they make and the seriousness of rejecting their creator. I have included it here below, with the character parts omitted.
I’ll Believe in Anything
I’ll believe in anything,
That’s always been my way.
I’m prepared to hear
What Christians have to say.
But, aren’t they all hypocrites,
Always talking about sins?
My philosophy is, run
Before the lecture begins!
I’m good, so I know,
When I finally die,
I’ll become a god
And float ’round the sky.
If I am wrong,
How will I tell?
I guess I will know
When I’m burning in Hell.
*****
I’ll believe in anything,
So, don’t bug me now.
I can follow the stars
And worship a cow.
But there wasn’t an ark,
I don’t believe in ‘The Flood’,
And who could get saved
By a Jewish man’s blood?
That’s too complicated,
The bible’s too colossal.
It’s easier to believe
That I came from a fossil.
I’m not sure how
This fits in with creation,
Maybe I’ve got
A weird imagination.
*****
Some say I’m daft to think
I evolved from an ape,
But I know they’re my ancestors –
You can tell by my shape.
I’ve bonded with these animals,
They put me at ease,
As they beat their chests
And swing through the trees.
I want to scratch my armpits,
Eat bananas by the dozens.
When I visit the zoo,
I can tell they’re my cousins.
So, I was ecstatic
And rather elated,
When Darwin told me
I wasn’t created.
But, sometimes, I’m scared
And I get into a state,
At the thought that, one day,
I just might mutate.
*****
I’ll believe in anything,
I’ll learn from the tribes,
I’ll watch their traditions,
Then pick up the vibes.
I’ll add a bit of truth
To make it seem authentic,
But, listen to those Christians?
Man no! They’re eccentric!
*****
What’s all this jargon
About ‘The power of the cross’?
What’s this about humility?
I want to be my own boss!
You see, I know best –
You’re not strapping me down.
Give my life to Jesus?
Do you think I’m a clown?
Oh, I’ll sing and I’ll clap,
I’ll dance and I’ll chant,
I’ll worship a mad man
And call-up my dead aunt.
God speaks through the Bible,
But that’s not enough.
I’d rather waste time
Doing foolish stuff.
*****
I’ll believe in anything,
Anything at all.
I believe in the ‘Big Bang’
But not in ‘The Fall’.
Who is so stupid
To say they believe,
In the Garden of Eden
And Adam and Eve?
And what about Noah?
That ark-building stud?
What happened to the water
After the flood?
Don’t tell me it vanished
Into thin air.
Stories about miracles
Are things I can’t bear.
But, when I’m in pain
And in need of a cure,
A touch from above
Is welcome, I’m sure.
There’s nothing like suffering,
That makes me feel,
There’s a God in Heaven
Who is able to heal.
*****
I saw a one-eyed alien
At the bus-stop last week.
He was very handsome.
I tried to get him to speak.
I’d love to make contact
And find his airbase.
Maybe he’ll invite me
To join him in space.
Surely the universe
Was made for exploring?
Having just Earth
Is really quite boring.
The alien disappeared,
I never saw him again.
Must be those strong pills
That I take for migraine.
*****
I Believe in UFOs
And reincarnation.
With horses, I have
A great affiliation.
I believe in Ouija boards,
They are such a blast!
One said I was a stallion
In my distant past.
It’s harmless fun
That gives me a thrill,
But now I’m hearing voices
That tell me to kill.
*****
I feel there’s an energy
In the atmosphere.,
And the flow can stop
Just by moving my chair.
Some say it’s silly
To Feng Shui my room,
But it really does help
To reduce my gloom.
I’m a Ying and Yang disciple
With firm dedication,
That’s why my doctor’s put me
On more medication.
*****
I’ll keep the toilet seat down,
ll put my bed on the roof,
But Jesus is Lord?
No, no, I need proof!
Sometimes, I look at nature
and think, ‘How was this made?’
But I’m an unbeliever
who you won’t persuade.
*****
I don’t believe in Jesus
because my eyes have been blinded,
but, I’ll believe in anything
because I’m open-minded.
