Hey God, if you’re there. If you really exist. I don’t want to be told what to do. I’m quite angry at the thought that someone – anyone – would suggest that there’s something wrong with my life!
It’s really insulting of people to go around telling strangers that they need to change. I can’t be doing with pious folk insinuating that I’m in trouble with you if I don’t buck my ideas up. Don’t come picking fault and saying that I need to make some alterations. Do you know how much I’ve strived to do my best all my life? I’m a good, honest man who has never needed you and I’ve done very well on my own so far.
I’m where I am today because I pushed myself, grafted when I could have slept, studied diligently, and did my best for my family.
And now, some person is heavily hinting that I’ve missed the mark if I’ve never known you personally? They tell me I need to be pardoned, let off, forgiven. Forgiven from what? I’ve never been to jail you know. If you are as all-knowing as those Jesusy people say you are, then you already know that I am an upstanding member of my community who loves my wife and brought my kids up well. They all went to university and that isbecause of me. Me! I’m a great dad!
So, maybe they have not got the right person. They’ve picked on the wrong man. This isn’t for me. I don’t need releasing from sins. I’ve nothing to say sorry for, I told you.
Okay, so I lied to my parents when I was a boy and smoked in school when the teachers weren’t looking. I often dreamed of making-out with my mate’s Mrs. and I sold things that were faulty, claiming they were pucker. I guess I had a foul mouth too and yea, of course I swear when people wind me up; who doesn’t? Not been drunk that much and I only tried cocaine once. But you’re saying that these things are the more obvious sins and that I’m guilty of a whole load more? Like what, eh? Like what?
Well naturally, I sucked-up to my boss by bad-mouthing my colleagues so that I would get promotion instead of them. Of course I’m jealous when I see a geezer with a better car than mine. I’m a bloke, aren’t I? Of course I think I’m better than those homeless bums who are always nagging pedestrians for money. Should have worked harder in college, shouldn’t they?
Yea, I eat too much cheese and chocolate and gorge on stuff even when I’m not hungry – it’s comforting isn’t it? And what’s wrong with complaining about the government and calling those dumb politicians negative nicknames? I’m sure that I could do a better job than them. And why should I feel bad for the times I stopped my teenagers from playing with those grubby brats from across the street? They lowered the tone of the neighbourhood, didn’t they? Not my fault their parents couldn’t afford to feed them. When I was their age, I had the sense to do better things with my time than polluting the atmosphere with unwashed clothes. You know, great stuff like, having my friends round for wild parties and getting a few girls pregnant. Oh, don’t get all high and mighty with me. They were just tarts who’d go with any man and if they were too stupid to protect themselves it was their own blooming fault. Anyway, I had always had lots of cash on me and would have been more than happy to pay for their abortions. Look, I haven’t got time for all this introspection.
I’ve got a business to run because I want to be respected – looked up to – you know what I mean? If I waste any more time listening to you, I won’t earn much money this week. I want lots of it, just like all the guys I admire. I can’t afford to get all caught up thinking about what you call it: my soul.
And death. Why oh why do these Christians always go on about dying? Morbid or what! It’s because they have such boring lives isn’t it? Deep down they are miserable with going to church and praying and being all so good. So, they long for their lives to end because there’s nothing to live for but singing horrible songs and reading that weird book. And what an ugly thing that is. Really tiny type and super-thin pages. They try to cover up its dreariness by adding leather covers and gold trims, but it’s still the dull old bible. Ha, I’m not surprised they want to die so much!
What? They don’t? They love life more than anyone and even rejoice when things go bad? Who does that? Who sings when they are sad and laughs when they are broken? They do? Really? So why is the ‘D’ word such a frequent topic of their conversations?
Oh, I see, it’s because they are not scared of dying. I guess that is very different from actually wanting to die. But why are they so calm about passing away? It scares me so much!
Pardon? You are wanting to know if I have life assurance? Yes, I do. It makes sense doesn’t it? I am a wise man who knows how to put things in place to protect myself for the future. I have house insurance, medical insurance, pet insurance, car insurance, holiday…wait a minute, are you changing the subject? We were talking about why your followers are so morbid.
Right, I’m beginning to understand now. I have made an effort to protect everything except the one thing that matters the most. My soul is more precious than these other things because it will live on after I…here we go again…die. So, are you saying that Christians have a kind of insurance policy that others haven’t got?
Okay, I suppose we all have to expire one day, but I’m not ready for it yet, so you’ll have to wait.
Did you just say… I have no control over when my time is up, and it could be today?
Umm…I’ve never thought of it like that but, well…it wouldn’t happen to me would it?
No disrespect to you God, but this is getting macabre and I’m not planning on going just yet, so leave me alone. Please!
You just want to have the last say, don’t you? What you’re telling me is making me feel uncomfortable to say the least.
So, you are telling me that if I continue to shut you out of my life you can’t be to blame for where I go after it has ended.
You mean Hell and all that? Isn’t that just make-believe to get people to become all wimpy and start going to church? You’re shaking you’re head again.
But why would I go to Hell?
Oh, I see. All those things I listed earlier are a result of mankind’s inherent evil nature and nobody can correct it by themselves. It is an indication that I am not what you call, saved and therefore you have no choice but to let me go the way I choose. Me? It is me who chooses to go to Hell? Oh. I used to think that it was just you being mean, like looking down and picking people out at random.
Phew, I’ve got a bit to learn then, haven’t I? Well, I suppose it will do no harm to listen to you for a bit longer. That’s if you will promise to not send me to that hot-hole downstairs.
I suppose this life is bad enough and if that other place is much worse, I’d better find out what I have to do to avoid going there.
Okay God, you got me, I’m listening, but if I hear anything that rocks my boat, I’m coming back at ya.
