Now here’s a funny thing.
When people ask me what I do in my spare time, I tell them that I am a writer and then, more often than not, I regret my hasty speech.
Being connected to over 1000 writers on LinkedIn, I’m aware that most of them have self-published at least four books apiece. Therefore, to them, my hobby is no cause for surprise.
Non-writers however, always seem aghast when they learn of my penchant for words. This is particularly true of Christians. The conversation often goes something like this:
Person: “So what do you do?”
Me: “Well, I er…I am I’m a writer.”
Person: “Oh really? What do you write?”
Me: “I have a couple of blogs. And I write books.
Person: Oh. So have you published any?
ME: Yes.
Person: “Ooh. What type of books do you write?”
Me: “Christian books.”
That is the moment when said Person physically recoils. Almost every time, I notice a jerking of the head backwards and a sharp intake of breath, followed by a quick change of subject, or a rapid wave across the room to an imaginary best buddy who has suddenly come into their view.
Seriously, the amount of aparitions that make an apearance in those moments is quite astounding. One minute they have no physical body and cannot be seen. Then, mention you publish Christian material, and a ghost emerges with their index finger extended and curling upwards, drawing the person to finish our conversation and come towards them in a flurry.
I am left in a haze of bewilderment, as I quickly recap my behaviour, manner and tone of voice.
Did I sound cocky, arrogant, proud? Did I seem smug? I never detail the amount of books I’ve published, but does the fact that I mention I write, still register as boastful and totally unacceptable speech?
It is Christians who act this way, so there wouldn’t have been any fear that I was going to pin them up against the wall and preach to them about their soul salvation.
As I am never given the chance during the expeditious conversation to explain what my books are about, I can only come to my own conclusions as to why each person reacts in such an abashed manner.
I am assuming therefore, that there is a stereotypical connotation attached to the term ‘Christian books’ and that it may seem to the layperson that I am saying I consider myself to have delusions of grandeur, whereby I believe I am called to lecture, preach, condemn and reprimand all those within my reach.
Maybe Christians who don’t feel called to put pen to paper, but are given authority by their church to stand on a lectern and deliver a sermon or lead a house group, think I am unqualified to write down things pertaining to godliness and living a life with Jesus. They haven’t done so, so why should I?
Or, is it the fear of being pushed into a corner and being bombarded with a choleric sales pitch?
Maybe, at that point, there is an imaginary, dreaded conversation that is playing in their minds that goes something like this:
Person: “So what are your books actually about?”
Me: “Well… that would be too difficult to explain, so you’ll have to buy all of them in order to find out. I tell you what, give me your number and I will send you the links to Amazon where you can download them, or for a small fee of such and such, you can get the physical copies. Have you got a bookshelf at home? Ah yes, I seem to recall that your relative said you did.
Well, they will look wonderful complementing the rest of your bibles and commentaries. In fact, why don’t you give me your e-mail address and I’ll put you on a mailing list and every two weeks I will send you 5 spams telling you about the new ideas running around my brain. And just think, if you get copies for your brother’s birthday and your dad’s anniversary and your cousin’s christening, you would make me very wealthy indeed – and aren’t we called to bless one another?
Not only that, my friend, but you will have the chance to become a writer yourself, by doing me a whole load of spiffing reviews, on the internet.
Oh how exciting this is! You could become my greatest fan! Thank you so much for offering to help me in this way. I’m so glad I bumped into you today – must have been a divine appointment.”
Person: ” Er… I am not er…I haven’t…didn’t…”
Me: “No worries, no worries. I know what you were going to say and that’s fine. I understand. I am so deeply grateful!”
Yup. I am sure this is a dreaded scenario running around in the mind of some.
Moving on, this kind of reminds me of times in the past when my sister and I used to go on holiday together. We would meet up with a lovely couple and at some point, they would ask the inevitable:
“Are you both working or at college? Oh working. That’s nice. What do you do?”
I would hesitate, while my older sister would reply:
“I am a nurse.”
Sweet couple: “Ah, how lovely!”
Sister: “A neonatal nurse. I work in the Special Care Baby Unit because I look after premature babies.”
Sweet Couple would hold their hands up to their heart and inhale slowly, then their eyes would moisten as they exhaled an emotional,
“Teeny weeny babies! Fragile mites! What an amazing job! How compassionate and caring! You’re an angel!”
They would then turn to me with such expectancy that it seemed they were hoping I’d say:
“And I’m a mortician who embalms the ones who don’t make it.”
Instead, they would get a simple:
“I work in a bank.”
Now…no matter how sweetly I tried to put it, I would always get the same response 100% of the time:
“Which bank?”
Never have I seen such instant fear in the eyes of a stranger. They would push their neck forward like a pigeon and not blink until they had received my answer.
Me: “HSBC”
Sweet couple: (sighing with relief) “Phew! Not my bank!”
But what if it had been? On the rare occasions when Unfortunate Sweet Couple hadn’t been astute enough to move their fortunes to Barclays, and did actually have a bank account at HSBC, they would either begin to explain why they were overdrawn, or try to justify why there was so much money sitting in their current account.
Panicky Sweet Couple: “My aunt’s just died you see, and she left us some money in her will. Plus we’re in the process of selling her house, so we can’t put it away in the savings until that’s sorted. We’re not greedy people. We’re not rich. We’re just in the middle of working with the probate.”
No, did I know any of this previously. No, there would not be any ways I could have found this out by myself. Indeed, people seemed to think that if they had a bank account with the same company where I worked, that somehow, I had an internal database that detailed the entire customer base and with just one blink, I could recall their every financial transaction, even if we hadn’t yet exchanged names.
Here’s another illustration: At school, there was a boy in my class called Andrew Stewart, who was interested in explosives. Each time a career teacher asked him what he wanted to do when he was older, he would reply with a big grin:
“Bomb disposal.”
Teachers gave him a wide berth, and those who couldn’t move out of his way quick enough, gave funny looks as he walked by.
I don’t know if young Andrew got his wish, but what I do know is, in the 30 or more years since we left school, there has been so many attacks of terrorism, that governments from all across the world would have been crying out for people like Andrew, who in reality, had a noble yearning to support humanity. His desire in life was to detonate weapons in order to save the lives of millions.
My conclusion to all this is, when someone tells you what their job is, what they enjoy doing in their spare time, or what they desire to do in the future, don’t judge them on their words or your stereotypical view of what that means. Instead, I challenge you to ask them some more questions and you may find out that their answer isn’t so terrifying.
For me, my answer is: My books were written to encourage fellow Christians on their journey with Jesus, especially the depressed, the lonely, the confused, the rejected and the hurting. Some contain stories about my own failures, mistakes and silly things I’ve done. Some stories detail deep hurts and explains how God turned every single one of them around for the good. There are evangelistic chapters designed for those who do not yet know Jesus, and there are sinners prayers dotted around to give them the chance to get right with God immediately. Some books include difficult subjects such as, civil war, growing old, gang rape, burglary, abortion, singleness, dating, child abandonment, child neglect, racism, church snobbery, fears, insecurities, long-term sickness and parenting fails.
All done in a loving way to help readers to fall in love with Jesus, or have their hope renewed.
There are humorous tales of what life was like working in a Christian bookshop and my ex colleagues who all got a free copy, loved it. I also have a humongous volume of Christian drama sketches based on bible stories and they are all in rhyme. I’m not bragging, but it is a fantastic book for Christian drama teachers. Okay, so maybe here, you would want to do the ‘change subject, walk away, wave to imaginary friend’ thing, because I admit I’m beginning to sound a little sales-pitchey.
All in all, they were written to bless you – not to make me look good, or to line my pockets. And boy, did I have fun making them! I love what I do and I’m not ashamed that my verbosity has lead to me putting things into print.
So, if we meet face to face one day and you ask me what I do, I’m not going to back you into a corner. I promise.
I have never done that, and if per chance, I knew what was in your bank account, I wouldn’t tell a soul.
Much love,
