Devil: Did you see what she did? She began to move us back with her prayers. Those praises shook our very foundations. I’ve got to put a stop to this!
Imp: Kill her.
Devil: Can’t. She’s protected by the Lord. There are too many angels surrounding her anyway.
Imp: Strike her down with an illness then.
Devil: You kidding me? That’ll give her more time to pray! She’ll prop herself up in her bed, get out that wretched book and begin to declare healing scriptures. Then, that will ignite a flame inside her to start proclaiming other good things over her life.
Oh no! She’s finished her chores and she’s making her way upstairs to praise and pray in…that language!
Imp: Oh Master, that’s the worst of all! We don’t know what she is saying and once she starts, the Holy Spirit gives her strength to continue! Besides, this way, she will be praying what He wants, so there will be no blubbering, selfishness or distractions. Can’t you make her have an accident?
Devil: Well…it’s funny you should say that. What hits a parent harder than an attack on themselves? Striking their precious children of course. She’s not prayed for protection for her family yet. This morning God woke her up early to commune with him, but she was too tired to get up and so stayed in bed until it was time to rush around doing the school run. And when she got home, we managed to convince her again to get her priorities muddled up, so she began tidying up the kitchen instead of going to her prayer closet.
Imp: Yea, and wasn’t it good of me to show her all that dirt that she had not noticed before? It delayed her even longer. And I really laughed when she glanced at the oven door on her way out. What a hoot to see her turn back and grab a cloth!
Devil: Well done. That works every time. What I had in mind was to make her daughter have an accident so bad, that it demands hospital attention. And at the same time, we’ll hit on a few others so that the casualty department will be busier than usual. That will keep her away from God for a while. The whole day in fact – she doesn’t do evenings. ‘Gets distracted doing irrelevant things that have no effect on the kingdom, no eternal value; and by the time she picks up her bible, she’s falling asleep on the chair.
Imp: Ha ha! And doesn’t she just love YouTube! You should see the amount of silly stuff I added to her feed, which is now in her ever-growing ‘Watch Later’ pile. She’ll be distracted for hours! But surely, right now she will be talking to God, asking him to heal her daughter and give her comfort?
Devil: Oh, they will be just quick, panicky prayers, but very weak ones, as I shall fill her with guilt, and I shall also try to put doubts in her mind about God’s protection.
Imp: Couldn’t you just kill the girl? Go on, make her have a fatal head injury.
Devil: There’s nothing I’d like better but, I don’t have authority to take her life. There are angels protecting her and even if I make her fall, there’ll probably be one underneath her head to make sure she doesn’t get concussed. Blooming father! Always asking God for her safe keeping. Always stroking her brow and interceding for her well-being!
Imp: So, you gonna do it then Master? Come on, come on, before she starts to pray!
Devil: Chill. Look, she hasn’t even warmed up in praise yet. See…there are no vapours ascending to Heaven. She’s still thinking about herself.
Imp: Well, when you do it, can I help?
Devil: Yes. I will do the physical damage and you can work on the girl’s mind and emotions. Find some fickle, insensitive teacher who will stand over her and declare that she thinks her nose is broken. That will not only put fear into the girl’s heart, but also give her a long-lasting bad memory.
Imp: And because a teacher has authority over a child, if she says the broken nose thing enough times, it will come to pass?
Devil: Umm…I’m not sure we’ll get away with that one, for as soon as the stupid mother hears about the accident, she’ll start praying that her nose is not broken and that will counteract the teacher’s words. But we’ll give it a go anyway. The more damage, the better eh? Let’s get on with it.
Imp: Wow! That was some fall! You managed to hold her hands back so she couldn’t protect herself. She fell flat on her face. That will hurt. Yippee! They’ll be in the hospital the whole day! Great job Master!
Devil: Yes, I love it when a plan comes together. But what’s this? Husband and wife talking nicely to each other, sharing lunch in the waiting room and praying silently for their daughter? Unity! I simply HATE unity! The mother’s gone all humble and soft and is agreeing on everything. She’s even walked off to the canteen and left her husband in charge! Wives are not supposed to trust the dads to be in control during moments like these. She is showing trust! Letting her husband speak to the doctor by himself is giving him a self-esteem that will serve to strengthen their marriage!
Imp: But dads forget things. They are not as into the detail like mums are. She will want the doctor to know every single fact about the accident.
Devil: Oh, I wish you were right but, it seems like she he doesn’t care about all that. She is allowing him to be the head of the family and showing complete trust in his ability the take the lead. Uggh! This tragedy is bringing them together! They will get home later and pray together like one big, yukky Christian family. Ew! I Want to spit at someone!
Imp: So…your plan didn’t really work then, Master? The mother has realised the ‘first things first’ principle and is going to make more effort to seek the Lord at the beginning of the day. The child feels more secure because she didn’t expect her daddy to rush home from work and spend the rest of the afternoon with her. On top of that, she is excited about going for an Xray.
As for the mother, who is far too observant for my liking, she spent the entire time in the waiting room pointing out that hundreds of people are in worse situations than them and began praying for all the sick! She even asked God to heal that man who got soldering sparks in his eye. You were going to make him lose his sight then get depressed over it and eventually kill himself. Drat! Why do Christians interfere so?
Devil: Tell me about it! It’s like this whole incident is a holiday for them. I’m just waiting for her to fall into sin, so I can get her back for all that. Keep your eye on her, won’t you?
Imp: Master, look out!
Devil: Agh, sickening! Absolutely sickening! She’s singing victory songs again. And proclaiming that Jesus is Lord over all the earth!
Imp: And she’s quoting that verse that you really hate:
“Therefore, God elevated him to the place of highest honour and gave him the name above all other names, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth and every tongue will declare that Jesus Christ is Lord…”
Devil: How I hate it when people know the truth! If only I could slash through her wrist and make it hurt so bad, she’ll think it is permanently damaged. Then at least she cannot write about me and tell the whole World Wide Web what a clutz I am. I don’t want people to know my strategies and discover I’m a loser. Some are so deluded, that they don’t believe that I even exist. Except…at Halloween.
Imp: Well, that’s not too far away now, is it Master?
Devil: Umm, good point. Let’s give up on those three for now and go find some fools who think that dressing-up their kids to look like us, is harmless fun. Come on you, we’ve got work to do.
