So, run this by me again – why did you give me a copy of this woman’s book? You know I’m not into this religious stuff, right?
What? It’s not religious? Well, what do you call harping on about the state of my soul and God and Hell? You trying to convert me or something? A bit too heavy for me I’m afraid.
So, you say this Jesus was with God when he created the world. I thought he was just a good man who had an exceptional tolerance for pain. Like a butch vicar. Anyway, I don’t care what he was. I’m not offended like them over there who say he was a prophet, not a deity. What bugs me is that you’re trying to say I’m a bad person just because I don’t think like you or do the wacky, churchy stuff you do. And I assume you think if I don’t become one of your lot, I’m going to frazzle in Hell. That’s what I find offensive!
Why can’t you just leave me to believe what I believe? You’re never gonna convince me about all this, so you’re wasting your time.
I hope you’re not going to start stalking me or spamming me with stuff like this. Are you?
I’ve not done anything wrong. Okay, no-one’s perfect are they? But I’ve cared for sick children, rescued abandoned animals and given much money to the poor. You can’t go around telling people like me that we’re serving the Devil just because we’re not hot on your hero, Jesus.
Man, that is so arrogant!
Why would I want to become one of your lot anyway? Do you expect me to give up my well-earned Sunday morning lie-ins to go to a silly church? They are either full of boring, old-fogey hymn singers or happy-clappy oddballs.
To be honest, I think you Christians are all imposters – out of touch with the real world and trying to put your craziness onto others.
In fact, who do you think you are?
I bet this book is just another example of bible-bashing literature that should be tossed into the trash.
I’m happy the way I am so please keep your opinions to yourself. No, of course I don’t know when I’m going to die. Why should I dwell on it? I’m sure I’ve got lots of years left to live. I haven’t got time to think about such morbid stuff and neither should you, Weirdo.
What do you mean by saying I may not see tomorrow? Planning to murder me because I don’t share your faith? I’m not the type of person who gets seriously ill or has accidents and I don’t want to ponder about bad things, alright?
And what if I did die? No more pain for me. What? A soul? I have one of those? It lives on forever in one of two places? Oh no, here we go. Ruin my day by predicting I’m going to be tormented day and night in the home of a cackling man with horns and a red leather jumpsuit. Such fairy tales! Why do you believe these stories? You’re an adult remember.
Look, do me a favour – leave me alone and go bug someone else.
And I’m warning you, you loony, if you send me anything else like this, it’s going straight into the fire. A really hot one. I like furnaces.
